The one that asks you how you've been feeling the past two weeks.
I can tick all the right boxes and get put on meds which mean I'm -allowed- to be a miserable sod.
I'm fed up.
I know they don't work but codeine wont kill me, and I'm not allowed any stronger meds, and who knows, lithium might come my way at some point.
*smiles hopefully*
Dear God, have I really reached this point again?
Yes.
Tuesday 26 October 2010
Sunday 3 October 2010
-sigh-
My head hurts.
I've been thinking too much again. An unhealthy amount. The amount at which I begin to wonder if it really is all mine afterall, or are the crazies giving me a (not so helpful) helping hand again? Or is that just me hoping it's them offering me a hand because I don't like it and don't want it to be mine?
Gah. I can't even tell anymore.
Everything is questioned. Everything ends with a "Why?" and needs a justification. Everything. I don't kid. Everything. What I eat, to what I do, to what I think, to why am I thinking it. It's tedious. It's annoying. And I'm pretty obvious it shows.
But I can deal with that. Sure, it's annoying but it's okay.
I can't deal with the really stupid stuff. The stuff that hits a nerve. The old stuff. The stuff I've tried so ridiculously hard to remove from my head. The stuff that just wont budge. The love. The betrayal. The personal space crap. The question of genuine sanity. Gosh, how dramatic!
I don't want it constantly swimming around my head getting questioned over and over. I want it gone. I almost managed it before, why the fuck can't I do it again?
I've been thinking too much again. An unhealthy amount. The amount at which I begin to wonder if it really is all mine afterall, or are the crazies giving me a (not so helpful) helping hand again? Or is that just me hoping it's them offering me a hand because I don't like it and don't want it to be mine?
Gah. I can't even tell anymore.
Everything is questioned. Everything ends with a "Why?" and needs a justification. Everything. I don't kid. Everything. What I eat, to what I do, to what I think, to why am I thinking it. It's tedious. It's annoying. And I'm pretty obvious it shows.
But I can deal with that. Sure, it's annoying but it's okay.
I can't deal with the really stupid stuff. The stuff that hits a nerve. The old stuff. The stuff I've tried so ridiculously hard to remove from my head. The stuff that just wont budge. The love. The betrayal. The personal space crap. The question of genuine sanity. Gosh, how dramatic!
I don't want it constantly swimming around my head getting questioned over and over. I want it gone. I almost managed it before, why the fuck can't I do it again?
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