Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Once again

the dinosaur's life is not going quite as planned.

I don't know why this surprises me, nothing ever goes to plan but there are limits.

I've always told myself I wont let my shoulder dictate my life, I try and get on with stuff. This seems a bit a daft, I know, but it's how I go about attempting to keep myself sane - or at least feeling sane. Normality would be nice, but it's impossible, so instead I attempt to create the illusion of normality - especially when it comes to those who don't know me.

I don't want people to know the full extent of my nerve condition. It only comes with sympathy or disbelief, and these two things have a nasty habit of making me dissolve into a self pitying mass of ick.

This comes with a problem. Particularly when it comes to my university. I miss lectures, inevitably. Some mornings I cannot get myself out of bed, other mornings I get myself out of bed but am unable to remove my t-shirt which I have been wearing for a prolongued period of time. Some mornings showering is too painful - I refuse to go into university smelling like decomposing human i.e. first year student. I am not a first year. I REFUSE to do it to myself, or indeed those around me.

I have been kicked off my module - due to lack of attendance. My lecturer does not understand my nerve condition because a) I look normal, well, when it comes to my shoulder - I do not look physically fucking disabled, b) he thinks I'm a lazy shite - well, I am a student but that's irrelevant and c) I am not willing to explain to him that I am unable to function like a normal human being because I know full well he wouldn't take me seriously. It sounds fucking made up. And I wish it was.

My lecturer is currently experiencing my very rare dinosaur wrath. I am refusing to allow him to kick me off this module. I have done the fucking work. Nearly. It's so nearly done. My deadline isn't for another six weeks. However, not allowing him to kick me off this module is proving diffucult. I keep emailing the bastard - he is very rude and does not reply. So I email him again. And again. I have emailed my course leader - who isn't quite so rude, but she is very unhelpful. I have demanded a meeting with the guy. BUT. He's not replied. And it will mean I have to get to the theatre - this is something that cannot be planned in advance due to my gashy shoulder. Ironic much.

In conclusion. I am fucked.

That is all.

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