Sunday, 11 July 2010

I am like every other human being in existence.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

I am sure that some people will insist on telling me that I am a lot more worthy than a great number of others, I often find myself thinking I'm less worthy than the majority of people. But at the end of the day all we are is human, and that is all we can ever be. So please, don't bore me with inspirational crap. It really doesn't interest me. Denial is a wonderful thing. Reality is ugly. But truth is probably one of the most beautiful things one can ever experience. My idea of beauty probably differs from yours. Experiencing things in their truest forms appeals to me more than seeing them on a level in which they are disguised, even if this experience proves to be foul. What does one have to gain from an experience when one is perfectly aware it is a charade?

My issue, however, is this; How does one perceive truth?

I have developed a knowledge of the world which exceeds the amount I wish to know, I never treasured being naive. I now realise how wrong I was to resent such a blessing. I have discovered questions which I never knew existed. I'm yet to discover if the answers are to follow. I occasionally think they will, other times I think they're out of reach.

I guess time will only tell. Meanwhile, my patience and tolerance for my surroundings will only continue to be tested. Maybe I'll cave in one day. Maybe one day somebody will pass me a torch to enable me to see where I'm going. Maybe this torch will be literal, maybe metaphorical. I don't know. I have no answers. I have only questions. And far too many thoughts.

This is a human life. This is all it can ever be. Some people will tell me to make the most out of it. But what can I do when I think I've made too much out of it, already? What can I do when I have somehow managed to overfill it with a nasty combination of knowledge and confusion? What can I do when I have somehow created a mind with cannibalistic, self-destructive desires? There is nothing I can do. After all, I am only human.

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