Sunday, 20 December 2009

I think it is about time

I gave up on my father.

Every time I come home from a term of University I somehow manage to convince myself that maybe next time I see my father he will have changed. I feel guilty for hoping my father will change. It comes accross as being very ungrateful. I love my father, I think this is what makes it hard.

I do not think I ask much of anybody, I certainly don't demand anything, but a small amount of compassion would be nice every now and then. I do not think this is too much to hope for from ones parent. Time after time, however, my father does prove me wrong with a nice constant flow of unsypatheric, hurtful comments, which in all honesty, are nothing short of rude. And they are certainly condescening.

Maybe it is naivety, or maybe it's denial. Maybe he is just a cunt. I know not. But I have given up. I am fed up of being on the recieving end of comments which achieve nothing but belittle the effect my shoulder has on my life. Apparently, the situation regarding my shoulder is ridiculous. No fucking shit. I know it's ridiculous, I am the one who fucking has to put up with it. Apparently, the situation regarding my shoulder is a perfect excuse for laziness. Excuse me? Apparently, if I am able to lift my fork in order to eat my dinner I am able to do everything else also, and apparently, denying this is stupid. Well, you know what father, sod you. I can no longer be bothered.

My father does not understand why I am currently in quite a foul mood. According to him I am being over sensitive and stupid - again? I think my father should broaden his vocabulary.

I probably am being a little over sensitive about my shoulder. But for once in my life I think this is kind of justifiable. After three years of asking to be put back on a specific pain medication which my doctors didn't want to put me on I found a doctor who was willing to give it to me. Eventually, hope was in sight. There was a high possibility of eventually being on a medication which would significantly reduce the pain I am in. Awesome. However, it backfired. I had a nasty reaction and am once again at stage one; I am in pain and there is jack shit I can do about it. I had been hoping for three years to be put on something that would help, my wish is granted and it fails. Yay.

I should give up on the idea of change. Then I will not be disappointed and everybody will be a winner.

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